I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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