I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
