It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
