just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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