I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
