She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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