I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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