I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
