hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
