don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
