You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
