So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
