Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My liver just had a heart attack.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
