it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
