we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
