Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
