I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
