i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
