Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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