last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
