i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do herpes really smell.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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