Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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