Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
