so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
