My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
