You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
