i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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