Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
