I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
