I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
