Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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