thus making me awesome and them whores
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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