Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
