I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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