I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
