So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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