I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
