I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I want to fling myself into the sun
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
