just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
