You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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