Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have fence marks all over my body
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
