Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
