My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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