Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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