Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
