does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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