drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
