but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
