I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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