and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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