she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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