i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
