I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
