She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
