I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
