Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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