Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
