piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
